WOULD YOU DATE A BUS DRIVER: Part Deux, Two, Too, Oh- Whatever!!!
In my best Slick Rick voice (from- ‘Children’s Story’). Heeere we go!
So, I wrote a piece about my thoughts on the Eboni K Williams saga, her not having a particular liking for the idea of dating a bus driver. Actually, I think you could insert any blue-collar worker designation here (i.e., sanitation worker, lawn care specialists, subway conductor, taxi/Uber/ Lyft driver and the list could go on and on and on.
I posited that Ms Williams could and should be able to date whomever she desired, because, well… shouldn't we all have that privilege? My writing though seemed to ruffle the feathers of one of my readers. He accused me of “clout chasing,” and in his so, so eloquent wording —being another Black woman, “tripping over her biases.” YIKES!! Cut to the quick sir!! I truly do not have a bias when it comes to who I date or who anyone else dates. I abhor classism, racism, ageism, sexism; should I go on, or has my point been made already? I’m an ‘ism’ despising type girl. I sincerely believe that we have choices, we make them every day, and we, at least most of us have preferences and that is absolutely fine too. As long as you’re not deliberately hurting anyone in the process, DO YOU BOO!!
The gentleman apparently thought that I was shopping my résumé out to become Ms Williams’ P R representative (the clout chasing reference), I was not. You see, I have always been of the understanding that people are going to people, they are going to make decisions that are not best for them. Me included; I’ve made some doozies. They are going to say unfortunately, a myriad/plethora of things that are going to set them up to be put in front of the proverbial “firing squad.” Ms. Williams did this with her admittance of not having the need for a “bus driver” to apply for the position as her man. According to her- resumé denied. Insert flashing red neon stop sign! Don’t even think about it! This ain’t for you! Gownn now!
As I thought a bit more about the comment that was put upon me, I decided to write a not so much rebuttal, but something that may be food for thought for anyone who feels similar to the commenter.
I stand by my words, ‘ten toes down’ as the popular saying goes, that Ms Eboni K Williams has the prerogative to date her conscience and her preference, but I will add a little nuance and throw in a caveat or two with my surmising.
The euphemism ‘you never know what you’ve got until it's gone’ has never had a more definitive employment. While we should be able to be partnered with our preferences- (hopefully someone you’ve vetted and did your due diligence on to assure that they are truly compatible with you), we should consider what and how we say things so as to not be offensive to others as much as possible. Also, take into account that some people are going to be disturbed, bothered, annoyed, pissed even, no matter how gingerly you use your language. Season your words with salt, but remember, you can’t please everyone.
I’m sure that initially Ms Williams did not set out to offend a whole class of workers, but she did. Not only did she offend them, but in a later interview she doubled down (I said what I said) and added more fuel to the fire, by saying that “those folks” possibly have settled for being mediocre, and that she is not in favor of mediocrity. You’ve got to be impressed by her moxie! Well, while I agree that being mediocre should not be a goal to aspire to, who gets to decide if a certain job, position, or station in life is a mediocre one? It seems to wreak of elitism! Not Black Excellence, but look at me, I make more money than you, therefore, I’m better. Not everyone desires to become a lawyer, a doctor, or even the president of the United States, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Not everyone has the wherewithal, or the means or opportunity to become a scholar, or can develop the needed acumen for a professional field. This is not in everyone’s wheelhouse. Not everyone is cut out to toil in a white- collar, prestigious seeming, high paying occupation. That does not make them “less than” anyone else.
Going back to the previous saying that was mentioned, you know the one about regretting not appreciating what’s right in front of you. I don’t care if you live on the upper east side of Manhattan, a posh Beverly Hills neighborhood in California, or on Star Island in Miami you will require the services of someone who doesn’t quite meet the definition of “high value” to some people. But rest assured that these people who are often in the background, not the limelight that Ms Williams is probably used to, and are doing these oh so necessary jobs will be sorely missed when they cease to provide the services that many of them do so well. Cue any sanitation, bus driver/transportation, and or any other essential worker strike!
This incident most unfortunately turned into a culture war that I do not believe Ms Williams intended to start. Black men were up in arms over a Black woman not wanting to date what is probably the most prominent class of men in the country. They went full throttle on how she thought she was better than these men and that it seems that she has a penchant for men of non-color, which was interesting because I don’t believe that either race or ethnicity came up in the dialogue. Again- her prerogative.
She, Ms Williams, thought that she was answering a question from a well- intentioned relationship guru. And even though I don’t believe that Ms Vanzant was intending to be malicious, it turned out to be a blindsiding inquiry. The idiom ‘drunk minds speak sober thoughts’ may apply here, Ms Williams’ preference for high powered, high paying companions was truly brought to the forefront in this conversation. Again I say, Do You Boo! But as my dear mother used to say- ‘don’t write a check with your mouth that your ass can’t cash.’ My mom didn’t bite her tongue when she was spittin’ knowledge. Don’t open mouth and insert foot or definitely think before you speak.
I would like to think that this battle of who should date who would end hopefully with a peaceful resolution, (live and let live) though I fear it won’t. We have gotten to such a sunken place when it comes to relationships that any small lit ember turns into a raging forest fire. It has become a who can dominate who the most, who can control who, who can dictate whose choice is best. I say, let everyone make their choices, good, bad or indifferent. The lesson is not in how many indiscretions that we have had, but in how much we learn from said indiscretions. Knowledge is truly power, and taking to heart the kernels of truth we glean from that knowledge will be our saving grace.
Speaking of ‘grace,’ can we put it into practice more often??!!!
