WOULD YOU DATE A BUS DRIVER???
Well, here we go again! The infamous question that Iyanla Vanzant asked of Eboni K Williams. ‘Would you date a bus driver?’
We are constantly returning back to the same old diatribe and rhetoric that seems to be so familiar and yet so distasteful. Why are Black people forever trying to put each other into boxes? Have we not been relegated enough to others' ideas of who and how we should be? We are policed and profiled enough to know that it puts us all in a most uncomfortable position of trying to be what other people deem is best for us.
This most offensive gender war now going on in the Black community signals how far we have regressed in the building of said community. The question that was asked seemingly has shed light on how it is not a Black woman's choice to be with a partner she sees as suitable, how we are subjugated to be with a man who is not good to us or for us. We have been told that Black women are being too picky, placing too much concern on a man’s wealth, and being too desirous of one that is equal in form to ourselves. While I do not believe that money or the lack of it really, should be a determining factor in choosing someone to love, I do believe that we all have the right to make our own choices.
This single existential question has put Ms. Williams on the hot seat with many men and even some women in the Black community. They have literally gone on an internet rage-fest declaring how she thinks she’s better than the average black man. A truly unfair depiction of her, I believe. As most of us know, like usually ends up with like, a kind of law of attraction pairing.
The question was asked of her by Ms. Vanzant during a conversation about the ever-deteriorating relationship dynamic of dating in the Black community. Many men espousing their disdain of Black women and elevating any and every other ethnicity of women over them. Often claiming that Black women, “modern Black women” as they put it, are not suitable mates because of their inability to cook, clean, or do any other domestic chores well. The other claim is that Black women are too masculine, that they are not willing to abdicate the throne of leadership in a relationship. I say, ‘Can you lead?’
Claims also are that these so-called modern women are not like their predecessors, their grandmothers and possibly great grandmothers who were more than willing to cater to each and every whim that their mates asked of them, this in turn made the grandmothers, more feminine and fit to partner with. These men propose that if Black women today were willing to change their wayward ways that they would become a more suitable partner and that they as Black men would be more inclined to date within their race. This of course is mostly a farce. A made-up delusional cognition to deflect from what the issues truly are. We, most of us are so unaware of what is keeping us from having sustainable relationships. This is mostly because we really just don't want to solve the problems. We are comfortable in our apathy, comfortable in not having to assert ourselves to find common ground and comfortable in our myopic views.
Ms. Williams’ answer — I would date him ‘if he owns the company’ is not an unfamiliar stance in dating right now. The counterpoint that Black women often make is that we are usually being told that we must “settle.” We are being reminded that we are running out of time, that our biological clocks are running down, so you had better take what you can get. We’re told that most of us have “hit the wall,” a metaphor that alludes to Black women no longer being valuable or desirable. Some claim that most Black women have been “ran through”, yet another metaphor for a woman having had multiple sexual partners and her not being virtuous enough for the average Black man. Keep in mind that these same men seem to label themselves as high value men, even when there is little evidence to support this theory and note that value like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Also let’s not forget that more than a few men still believe that having a “high body count” for a man makes him a stud. Yikes!!!
This unfortunate culture war looms on with no end in sight. Both sides claiming to be the one with the most valid and logical presuppositions to why we just can't get along.
We all have the free will to be with whomever we desire, whoever floats our boat, or gives us a modicum of joy, but all this made-up nonsense to give validation to our reasonings is super disingenuous at best. Eboni K Williams has the right to desire a man who has the financial wherewithal that she has, though I imagine that if she met a bus driver who made her feel loved, wanted and cared for that she would reconsider her answer. Just my theory, I don't know her.
We are all in search of the same things when it comes to finding a compatible partner and even though no one wants to be poor or live a substandard life, many of us know that having a great deal of money and resources will not guarantee happiness. There are people who are blissfully content in their coupling with very little in the area of finances. A house divided cannot stand. So, what it really comes down to is having the same goals, values and a determination to succeed at what we endeavor to do. When everyone can begin to come to terms with the idea that they will not get everything that they feel they need in a partner, because who can really live up to those expectations, when they can see through all the muck and mire of these fruitless conversations, then and only then will we be able to stop all of this obscene, divisive bickering.
Would I date a bus driver? Most assuredly so! As long as he’s driving in a direction and to a place that we both want to go!!
How about you???
