THIS CANNOT CONTINUE!!!

This piece has been a long time coming. I will say from the beginning that these writings may TRIGGER some of you. It’s a hard subject to broach in my mind and even harder to put pen to paper on.

I will also start by saying that there will be no fancy graphs or charts on the statistical data of this material, mainly because I don't believe that there are accurate measurements of how many are affected by this phenomenon, for lack of a better word.

I believe that this is at crisis level and has been for some time in the Black community. I am not saying that it doesn't happen to other races, ethnicities, or nationalities. I’m saying that in the Black community it is so prevalent and taboo a subject to speak on that no one truly knows how many, how often, and the real extent of the damage that it has caused and is currently causing to our children.

I have been reading quite a lot lately about the traumas that are put upon us as children. If you speak with an expert on this plight you will hear of many of the problems associated with being mentally, emotionally or sexually abused during early childhood. I believe it is defined as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) in the arena of childhood psychology. They have delved into the issues that many of us as adults are dealing with due in large part to and because of past acts that were perpetrated upon us as children. Often many of these events took place before we were even able to have any semblance of the understanding of what was happening to us. I am speaking of the ridiculously high numbers of childhood sexual abuse occurrences in the Black community because it is not often a topic of discussion.

These abuses are not spoken of in our community because of the antiquated harmful notions that we carry around like; “we don’t put our business in the streets,” and “what happens in our home stays in our home.” Because we don’t speak of these atrocities and don’t bother to get the child the help that they may need to deal with the psychological trauma that ensues; we have thousands if not millions of people walking around trying to navigate this life with broken spirits and broken psyches.

These children wander through the early stages of this torturous existence thinking and feeling that they may have been at fault for what has happened to them. Of course, any rational reasonable adult knows that this is totally untrue, but in a child’s mind they must have done something to warrant being touched, fondled, or actually being fully sexually assaulted(raped) by these person/ persons.

As I alluded to previously, I do not believe the statistical data bears out the reality of how often and how many children have been emotionally, mentally, or even physically damaged because of these crimes that were forced upon them. I can only go by what I am personally aware of as I myself have been a victim of this circumstance. I cannot even fathom the real-life repercussions that have been forced upon the multitudes of people living with these secrets. I have spoken with many people and in conversation, usually deep conversation about themselves, their histories and their beliefs, and have come to realize the enormous magnitude of this issue. I can honestly say that if I had taken a poll of ten people that at least eight of them would have suffered at the hands of a sexual abuser as a child.

It saddens me that this has and continues to occur. We seem to not be overly concerned with staving off the mental health issues that become present when a child is left to their own devices to cope with this trauma. How many celebrities have spoken out about their past abuse with the intent of possibly shedding light on why and who they are? The movie ‘The Color Purple’ has a poignant scene in it that speaks to this issue quite well. In the scene Sofia tells of not feeling safe in her family. She spoke of having to fight to escape the sexual abuse from family members. (the men in her family, though it is not just males that are at fault) Those of us who are not celebrities and are not playing a role for a movie rarely speak of the pain and psychological deficits that are caused by experiencing sexual abuse during our early years. There is so much shame and ridicule that is placed upon people for speaking their truth and acknowledging that these events more likely than not have had a detrimental effect on our lives. We struggle in relationships, particularly romantic encounters because we feel that we don’t know what the person’s true motivations are. Are they attempting to hurt us as people did in our childhood? Most of us don’t seek out the help of a counselor or therapist because in the Black community we don’t want to be labeled as “crazy.” Also, everyone in our community knows that “we don’t talk about our problems with strangers.” We don’t talk about “Bruno,” (no I am not saying that Bruno was a sexual abuser) and we don’t expose the things that cause us the most pain. The real crux of the matter is we often don’t want to expose the people who have done these things to us. It is very often a relative (a father, cousin, brother and even a sister or mother, because women also commit these heinous acts on children, a pastor or a priest. It's sometimes a trusted friend or neighbor who you in using your undeveloped brain, thinks that they would have more credibility than you have. Therefore, why subject yourself to being called a liar and cause the assumed positive family dynamic to be shattered.

We must ask the hard questions! We must talk to our children when they are youngsters and ask if anyone has touched them inappropriately especially in a way that made them feel uncomfortable. We have to use language similar to this because children are very protective of the people they care for and trust. Children rarely volunteer this kind of information because of the previous scenarios that I have mentioned, but our children are suffering! They are going through adolescence and then adulthood with this overwhelming burden. It is no wonder that we are not able to sustain positive, nurturing and healthy relationships. Our minds have been stricken with a curse that does not allow us to function fully with the confidence that we will be taken care of and protected, or that we will not be seen as dirty, or damaged goods.

This was difficult to write. I have personal knowledge of so many people that I love and care about who have experienced these tragic instances. Unfortunately, the consequences of this behavior will often only show its awful head when the abused becomes the abuser and the cycle continues. We have to remedy this. It is at critical mass level and only getting worse!!!

Please be a safe place for All Children who are dealing with this scourge and help them to feel comfortable enough to speak up when it is happening to them!