SHOULD YOU STAY; SHOULD YOU GO??

I have heard it said that the worst type of intimate relationship to be in is one that is not bad enough to leave, you know, the one where all your bills are being paid on time, you can afford some or all the luxuries of life that you desire, and your partner has not committed (at least none that you know of) any egregious faux paus in your union. Yet in still, you have this nagging feeling, a suspicion even; that as one of Keith Sweats’ most popular songs go, something, something just ain’t right! That pesky thought that you are just not being fulfilled. I have a tendency to agree with this notion. That’s your psyche trying to send you a warning, trying to help you to see that attention needs to be given to the situation.

Even with everything seemingly going so well, you feel that you are in a perpetual state of discontent most of the time, you have a sense of great melancholy, a sinking sensation in the pit of your stomach that lingers even when nothing particular is going wrong. I’m not speaking of ennui here. That feeling is a sort of longing for more, a need for excitement, you're plainly bored out your gourd. Ennui can be fixed without leaving your partner, you may need to adjust your thinking on what makes a satisfying alliance. No, what I’m speaking of is a gnawing ache that points to something not being wholly righteous, but you have no concrete evidence to support your theory.

Also, another caveat I will throw into this mix is that you don’t have a semi- diagnosable case of paranoia, or that you are not generally as confused as a road lizard. No, I’m not making light of anyone's mental distresses, and for sure this is a rather serious issue that should be dealt with in your relationship, though a little humor can go a long way when dealing with people. I digress. If you have not or have had no need to be treated for this condition you may want to take a hard look into your relationship dynamic. Looking deeply at the whole picture also may help you to understand the depth of or lack of your own self-awareness. Do you know who you are? It is damn near impossible to assess someone else’s needs, desires and feelings when you don’t even know what yours are.

That nagging feeling is often a first sign that you may need to reassess where you both are going. You may need to ask some probing questions of yourself and your partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner is cheating, spending money frivolously, or is plotting to murder you while you sleep (there’s that sneaky little humor again), but it may indicate that you two are not as compatible, connected, or in one accord as you thought. This also doesn’t make your partner a person with wrong motivations; they may just be wrong for you.

I am not trying to give professional advice here; one, because you’re not paying me to give said advice, and two because, well…I’m not qualified to dispense such advice. I believe that therapy is one of those things that is better than sliced bread, so if you need some extra listening ears, by all means seek out a professional counselor. I am speaking to you from a place of giving a lived experience. I have navigated this process unfortunately more than once, and though it is uber painful to recognize that someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with in a blissful paradisaic coupling is not right for you after all, you need to discover this early on in the relationship. Not possibly twenty years down the line.

Another thought is that this can oftentimes not be the fault of the other person, sometimes we really do choose wrongly. Maybe we were too young, too immature, too caught up in the moment (ode to the honeymoon phase) to see the pitfalls that lay ahead of us. The important thing is to try to remedy the situation as early as possible in order to not cause extended pain and discomfort. Tackling the issues early on will help to keep the both of you from squandering precious time, which by the way is so limited and has the inability to be retrieved once lost by we humans.

So, should you stay, or should you go? That’s the million-dollar question that can only be answered by you. With deep thought, with mindful consideration, and with great due diligence you can make a truly informed and insightful decision as to whether it is better for you to stay or depart the relationship. I truly wish for you to do what makes you the most contented, what makes you feel the most alive, what makes you the most satisfied and what makes you feel the most LOVED!!